My Turn Bitches - Race Report by Tristan (the TON)

My Turn Bitches,
Well it really was a blast out their on Sat with Ghetto Sled, PB Towage and the newly painted squid looking flash on the rigging lawn. True 3rd rig from the S.E about time and all 3 boats made the most of it. First race saw Ghetto take the lead early as they were the only boat on the line at the start. Benny’s left nut popped out of his mankinnie so he and craig had a voluntary swim so he could make the appropriate adjustments on the kinnie, once sorted they rejoined the race, but were further back than fullback and that is where they stayed. The real race was unfolding at the pointy end of the fleet, and with superior speed it did not take long for the senior team of Tristo and Wayne to take the lead at the top mark. Popped the chute and tried to play conservative with 1 string, but ghetto’s big orange penis was thrusted them harder and faster into the lead by the bottom mark. PB slipped futher back on the next beat but did not hold back for the next run into the finish when I said f..ck I’m coming out and Wyne said yep go hard or go home this resulted in one of those crazy radical rides with mack 10 speeds. Wayne could not stop hahooing all the way to the finish!! Ghetto did well to win the race with PB second and the squid jigging into 3rd place.

Second race breeze pumped another 4-5 knots and the ramps were still a plenty. PB had the start sorted and lead early, however with the newly adjusted left nut, the squid relishing in the conditions showing great pace on the first beat. Ghetto and PB were close behind but the ghetto had a shocker of a tack and hit the piss. PB aimed up at the squid keeping the pressure on, the ride to the bottom mark was even more radical than the first race and it was hang on!! Wayne went from yahhoooing to stone silent wondering when the crash was going to happen and how to avoid the tonne from landing on him in the process. Swim never came on PB, however the squid gissem got stage fright and Benny reportedly hit the ejection button and exited off the back leaving Craig to fend for himself! This resulted in both testicles being bisected by the mankinnie in futher surgery being required. PB stayed solid and took the bullet for the win showing why she will be crowned club champion this year! Ghetto ran out of balls “harden up men” and squid took second.

So a cracker it was and lets hope for more of that at the Nationals!

I am still recovering

Tristan